If you know me at all, you know I am as impatient as they come. I’m just over 37 weeks pregnant and I want to have this baby, like, YESTERDAY. Of course I don’t want Scarlett to come before she is ready. But because my other 2 kiddos have been born in that “early term” window between weeks 37 and 39 and had zero problems at all, it’s hard not to hope baby #3 will follow the pattern.
Anyhow, like any woman at the end of pregnancy whose sanity is beginning to fray at the edges, I have scoured the web for ideas on how to get labor going on my own, in addition to hearing a few creative suggestions from Mark. Talk about entertainment! Here are my top 10 recommendations of what NOT to try. As a side note, I haven’t tried any of them. Yet. 😉
Maybe I shouldn’t knock it until I’ve tried it, but other self-inducing recommendations like pedicures, massages, and yoga sound a lot more relaxing than anything that has to do with needles.
9. Have someone scare you.
This was Mark’s idea. I’m pretty sure even a really bad scare would only make me fall down and hurt myself or at the very least make me pee my pants. Gotta love the end of pregnancy, right?
8. Eat a Big Mac and then rearrange furniture.
Not quite sure what to do with that one.
Wouldn’t that get gravity going in the wrong direction anyway?
6. Jump on a trampoline.
This one was Mark’s idea too. Even thinking about it makes me want to cry!
5. Put the core of a pineapple in a food processor and drink it.
Actually, it’s not a pineapple but several. While there are some labor-promoting chemicals in pineapple, you’ll need about seven whole pineapples to give you a significant dose. Drink up, me hearty yo-ho!
Yep, go somewhere with room to run and look like a fool trying to imitate a horse at 37+ weeks pregnant. If you want to be entertained, search for “galloping while pregnant” on YouTube.
3. Get into a small boat and row out to the middle of a lake.
There’s nowhere I’d rather start labor than the middle of a lake, after all. And even if you can row back to shore between contractions, said lake isn’t likely to be anywhere near your hospital. Hmm.
2. Shine a flashlight up your . . . never mind.
Yes, I really came across this one on someone’s blog (granted, it was a recommendation she got, not one she was making). When I read it I thought I might go into labor from how hard I was laughing.
Drumroll, please! The worst idea I came across was . . .
1. Taking castor oil.
Worst case scenario, you get a few days of the most explosive and painful diarrhea imaginable and don’t even go into labor. Best case scenario (well, maybe this isn’t better, actually), you have your baby during a bout of the most explosive and painful diarrhea imaginable. That’s going to make labor a party for you and everyone else involved, huh?
Any others to add to the list, anyone? 😉