Being Real

Hey.

First off, the really important stuff: my family is doing great, Christmastime is wonderful, and Scarlett is adorable. Just look at that girl! 🙂

She’s be three months old on Christmas. She’s grown into such a big, smiley little chubster!

Now you’re probably expecting my PIIT28 review. Well.

If this were a “good” before-and-after post about the PIIT28 program I started four weeks ago, I’d tell you about how I didn’t miss a day of workouts, ate like a saint, and saw dramatic visible changes all over my body in addition to the X-number-of-pounds I lost.

But I gave up.

I was all fired up when I began. I loved loved loved the workouts—they way they’re set up in 4 rounds of 7 moves makes them fly by. But old insecurities and bad tendencies took over. About a week and a half in I had a crappy day of emotional eating, and I decided I’d start PIIT28 all over because I wanted to have all 28 days reflect really healthy eating. So attempt 2 began.

But then I had a few tired, cranky days where my motivation tanked and I didn’t work out. I tried to make up for it by doing a few double workout days, but YOWZA. These workouts are tough enough that doing 2 a day was not a good call for me. That much hard exercise made me ravenous, which in turn lead to more overeating and more feelings of “oh-I’ve-blown-it-so-I-should-restart.”

On top of that, the Instagram challenge freaked me out. I felt like some of the posts were ultra-personal, and knowing that people I see and know in real life were going to see all I put out there made me really insecure. Something I struggle with big time is that this blog—and even more so, that Instagram challenge—paints me as this health-and-fitness chick when I really don’t look the part. I’m not tiny and lean and thin. On my worst days I tell myself I’m just a fat, flabby wannabe fitness girl who should be embarrassed to even talk about how much I like exercise because I sure don’t look like I do any. I have friends and relatives who wear size 2 jeans and teach yoga and win triathlons and stuff—they’re the ones who should have a blog, not me! I let all that frustration and insecurity pile on and get the better of me. And I quit PIIT28.

I know I need to be kind to myself. I know I’m only human. In fact, I’m responsible for the care and keeping of 3 tiny humans, including one who’s only 2.5 months old. But I’m still disappointed in myself. I set out to finish something and gave up. And they were FUN workouts. I love Cassey’s personality, and I wish I’d stayed with PIIT28.

So I see myself as faced with two options: own that I’m a quitter, or jump back in. And I’m jumping back in.

Guys, I’m taking a few days to rest up and let my feelings of burnout and frustration subside, and then I’m restarting PIIT28 on Monday. I CAN FINISH!

I’ve thought more carefully about my post-baby fitness and health goals, too. Today I had the epiphany that the first time in a long time that I’ve stuck to any kind of fitness and eating plan successfully was my pregnancy. Not to brag, but I rocked it. So I’ve tried to think of WHY that went so well and repeat some of those strategies:

  1. I paid attention to my eating, but I wasn’t overly rigid. I think I do best when I have a basic gameplan of how I’ll eat but don’t count calories religiously or stick to a hard-and-fast regimen.
  2. I had a great system of mini rewards. I discovered Lush about a year ago and HOLY COW. I’m an addict. Taking a warm, colorful, relaxing bath that smells like heaven is about the most indulgent thing in the world. Having a bright-purple bubble bath on the line helped me stick to 2 cookies, not 11, when faced with temptation. Some days I flat-out didn’t care about my pregnancy weight goal, but on those days I still cared about earning my week’s goodie from Lush.

So, guys, I’m doing this thing! I am beginning officially on Sunday, December 18th (as my PIIT Stop day—I prefer to not work out on Sundays so I’m moving my rest day from the plan’s original Friday) and will finish not only 2 rounds of PIIT28 but also 2 rounds of the next-level up program Cassey offers, PIIT 2.0. This puts me finishing on April 9, 2017.

 

I snagged all this Popflex gorgeousness over Black Friday! The yoga mat is a Christmas present for someone else but all the clothes are mine once I hit my target weight. The new Popflex Darkbloom collection is also insanely pretty… I may also have ordered a few more things in those colors. 🙂 In addition to making good workouts Cassey is one heck of a designer. Everything she does is beautiful.

 

I’m now better set up for success than I was when I first dove into PIIT28. My plan and my rewards system are both great. And as an added bonus, Scarlett is now consistently sleeping 8+ hour stretches. That alone makes now a much more realistic time for me to dive into a serious workout plan than even a month ago was. And I’m committed to seeing this out, even when (not if, WHEN!) I have eating days along the way that aren’t my best. My quest isn’t to be perfect at PIIT28. It’s simply to FINISH WHAT I STARTED. This failure doesn’t have to be final.

Such a good quote. Also such a good novel. East of Eden is pretty much literary perfection.

I’ve decided I’m done feeling guilty about quitting: it happened and it’s done. Whatever. I’m defined by my present, not by my past. With this killer plan and you guys as added accountability, I know I can rock this next 16 weeks and healthily hit my ultimate healthy weight without counting a single calorie or working out more than 30 minutes a day. It’s going to take discipline and hard work, but I know I can do it!

And more than anything, I wanted to put this post out there for any others who’ve quit something and felt dumb about it. I think on social media especially we all want to look good, but sometimes real life isn’t all shiny and IG-worthy. I know mine’s not. And being healthy and fit isn’t an all-or-nothing thing either. Obviously, I’m still working on believing that wholeheartedly, but I know it’s the truth.

So if you’ve recently given up on something, take heart. Adjust your sails and try again when you’re ready. No one is truly a failure until they stop trying.

Love you all. And wish me luck!

About Sarah

My name is Sarah. After years of struggling to eat and exercise "normally," I've finally started to figure things out. I started up this blog to keep myself on a healthy track and to share what I've learned with anyone else out there who struggles with binge eating, body image, or anything along those lines.

2 Comments

  1. Emma Wiley

    Sarah! I definitely know the feeling of starting over and over, and struggling with a workout program! I definitely admire what you’re doing and believe you can do it! Another workout program you might want to check out is Bikini Body Mommy. I did her workout program this summer and definitely saw results. Plus I love that she’s postpartum and realistic in her goals. Anyway, you’re awesome! And I love your blog!

    • Thanks, Emma. I kind of suck at finishing things I start. 😛 And once I finish PIIT28 (because I will, dang it!) I’ll check out Bikini Body Mommy for sure!

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